(Validating and Illustrating the Gospel in Weddings)

By Albert N. Martin (Copyright 2012 Chapel Library)

[The previous article ended with exhortations about modesty of dress for wedding]. A common objection asserts that it is very difficult to find modest wedding and bridesmaid dresses. Even if this objection were true, where does the Bible teach that being a consistent Christian in an evil world will ever be an easy thing? While there may have been some validity to this objection a few years ago, this simply is not true in the day of the Internet. An Internet search with the words “modest wedding dresses” or “modest bridesmaid dresses” reveals that there are manifold sites with pictures of gowns and dresses that are indeed beautiful, tasteful, and not at all frumpish or irresponsibly expensive. However, most of these dresses cover women’s backs and shoulders, show no cleavage, and in every way would be a testimony to the bride’s determination that only her husband will see flesh that is provocative to the eyes of the average man. Frankly, we find it unthinkable that a Christian woman should desire to display to the gaze of every man present at her wedding bared flesh that she anticipates will be seen with holy delight by her husband alone on her wedding night and thereafter. In our determination to make these things unmistakably clear in the context of a society that has lost its con- science concerning modesty, we believe we must be very explicit in identifying the kind of dress we consider entirely inappropriate.

Such explicit (and primarily negative) directives may not have been necessary to previous generations of professing Christians. However, grievous experience has convinced us that they are absolutely necessary today. They are as follows:

1. No strapless gowns or
2. No spaghetti strap gowns or
3. No bared backs below the normal bra
4. No visible cleavage; the breasts must be covered at least two or three inches above the beginning of any cleavage.
5. Sleeveless dresses must have snug
6. No dresses cut above the bottom of the knee (that is, while sitting).
7. No slits that bare the thighs; slits must not come above the bottom of the
8. No “mermaid” dresses that snugly follow all the contours of the

In order to assist the bride and her attendants in their sincere attempt to respect this reasonable standard of modest dress, [the Session of Hope BPC could appoint] a committee of mature women to act on their behalf in assessing whether or not the dresses chosen meet this standard. Certainly, there are other practical ways to accomplish the same goal. The officiating pastor along with the engaged couple should seek wisdom from God to establish a mechanism of accountability with respect to this area of concern.

We trust you are desirous that the man of God chosen to officiate at your wedding will have no reason to say what a leading evangelical pastor has been constrained to say when he wrote the following:

In recent years, I have become increasingly grieved by the immodest dresses of both brides and bridesmaids at the weddings that I officiate. I have observed a number of young ladies in our fellowship who have dressed modestly all their lives appearing on their wedding day in extremely provocative dresses, exposing more of themselves than on any other day of their lives.

3. AWeddingThatPresentsNoStumblingBlocksforChristiansandNon-Christians

In Luke 17:1-2, Jesus makes it plain that in a fallen world sin is unavoidable. However, He goes on to say, “But woe unto him, through whom they come! It were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck, and he cast into the sea, than that he should offend one of these little ones.” In Romans 14:15, Paul says, “But if thy brother be grieved with thy meat [food, drink, or practices encouraged at your wedding reception] now walkest thou not charitably.” A concern to cause no stumbling or discomfort to the people of God takes us back to the issue of modesty. Many men affirm that bared backs, visible cleavage, and bared shoulders can provoke them to mental adultery and forbidden thoughts. Any woman old enough to be married should be made aware of this by her father, her mother, or her husband-to-be. Better yet that each of these individuals who have such a natural bond of intimacy and affection should speak to the young bride with one voice concerning these matters. How can a woman professing godliness who is aware of these problems in a fallen world dress immodestly so that she provokes mental sin in others?

God commands His people to “rejoice with those who rejoice.” Brothers and sisters in Christ will come to your wedding desiring to do this very thing. However, you could hinder their ability to do so, if you are insensitive to matters related to what we would call aspects of Christian liberty. Love will demand that you do not plan any activities that could in any way be offensive to the people of God (yes, even to “weaker brothers and sisters”), who have come to share in your joy on your wedding day. You must carefully weigh the issues of making alcoholic beverages available, the encouragement of mixed dancing, and other such matters that may be issues of personal Christian liberty in other settings. However, the wedding reception is a public and social event, not a private event. Both “strong and weak” believers will attend this event. The Scriptures are clear in their directives that the strong brothers and sisters must in love accommodate themselves to the consciences of weaker brethren and cause neither stumbling nor grief to them (Romans 14:13, 21; 15:1-3). Once again, love that “does not seek its own” will move you as a Christian couple to be very careful that you do not encourage any activities that could erode the joy of those attending your wedding or reception….

Appropriate dignity and purity must always mark the anecdotes and memories publicly shared by friends and relatives of the bride and groom…. Experience also constrains us to say a word concerning the nature, number, and length of the various activities scheduled to be included in the reception. If ever there is an occasion for strict obedience to the “golden rule” of Matthew 7:12, the planning of your reception is just such an occasion.

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