Introduction

If you seem to have an interest to know someone of the opposite gender, I have an announcement to make - you are perfectly normal! Do not be surprised or ashamed, but caution is required here as well. Courtship may be defined as a mutual commitment made between a man and a woman to meet regularly for the purpose of knowing each other better and seeking God's will with the aim of marriage one day if it is His divine will. We should include here that there should be a clear understanding that if the courtship does not work out, both persons are to be mature enough to part as friends without resentment and with all due respect for each other's feelings. Let us discuss some practical concerns for a healthy date.

When am I ready for Christian courtship?

It is hard to put an age limit on when to begin Christian courtship. It is useful to follow the following criteria:

• One who is mentally, spiritually and emotionally mature
• Who recognize their gift for marriage (I Cor 7:7) or do not have the gift of celibacy,
• Who is praying and seeking God's will for marriage
• And is ready for commitment in a serious relationship.

Teenagers in school will be too young to start dating and courtship. In Singapore, the average age for marriage is between 29-30 years old. Hence, someone in his/her mid-teens who starts dating will have to expect a long courtship of a decade or more, which may not be healthy. Be patient and wait for the seasons for life to naturally develop as God intends them to be. (Psa 27:14)

Dangers of Worldly Practices of Dating/Courtship

The worldly practices of dating often have the following elements:

• Leads to physical intimacy but not necessarily to marital commitment.
• Often mistakes a physical relationship for love.
• Often isolates a couple from other vital relationships with others.
• In many cases, distracts young adults from their primary responsibility of preparing for the Lord’s use in the future.
• Develops a self-centred, feeling-oriented concept of love.
• Teaches people to break off relationships easily, conditioning them more for divorce than marriage.
• Develops an appetite for variety and change in relationships, creating dissatisfaction within marriage.
• Promotes lust and immoral habits, opening the door for sin.
• Creates a false standard of comparison by which mates may be chosen and then rejected later after marriage.
• Lacks the protection and guidance afforded by godly principles from the biblical concept of courtship.
• Devalues the biblical concepts of sex and marriage.
• Embarks too quickly on a romantic path before one is ready to commit to marriage.

A vital principle in the Bible is that physical intimacy is a privilege of covenant of love sanctioned by God in marriage (Heb 13:3,4). If you are not in a covenant, then you do not get the privilege of intimacy. The problem is, we are so used to having all the privileges without the responsibilities in this world. Covenant marriage as the Bible defines it, brings many responsibilities with it - a life-long commitment of a marital bond committed to God in the first place.

Can courting couples kiss, hug or hold hands? Boundaries for restraint are important and necessary as the commitment in the relationship is not certain yet. Stay out of heavy petting and let things develop progressively with time (e.g. holding hands is fine). Ask yourself objectively, “How long have you been dating and how long will it have to continue?” Stay out of things designed by God only for a husband and his wife! The only way to be sure is to sign the marriage certificate and say “I do!” Until then, wait upon the Lord patiently. If you have given yourself totally to one who is not your spouse, you have a lifetime to regret and you surely do not want that hanging over your mind for the rest of your life.

Here are some practical rules to consider that may be helpful:

• Make a commitment to each other before the emotions start rolling. Keep to it. Treat this lady/gentleman the same way you expect someone to treat your spouse!
• If you are in a room alone together, keep the door open!
• Always be in a place where you can be easily interrupted and seen.
• Never be alone in a room behind closed doors or quiet dark obscure corner or park at night with someone of the opposite sex.
• Avoid romantic encounters until you are ready to commit to marriage. Only engage the romance after your commitment. You will have the pleasure of learning romance with the one person you love in the Lord whom you will be blessed by it for the rest of your life with him or her!
• Do not accentuate on the physical but build up each other intellectually and spiritually in the Lord.

To be continued…

Rev & Mrs Jack Sin

More Lively Hope

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14 Bedford Square, Colonel Light Gardens, South Australia 5041